3 Times A Cheater « Result #1 on Mar 25, 2009, 1:19am »
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, when Jack asks his wife, ¡°Betty, have you ever cheated on me?¡±
Betty replies, ¡°Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don¡¯t want to ask that question.¡±
¡°Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please.¡±
¡°Well, all right. Yes, three times¡¡±
¡°Three?!? Well, when were they?¡± he asked.
¡°Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years-old and you really wanted to start a business on your own, and no bank would give you a loan? But, then one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?¡±
¡°Oh, Betty, you did that for me? I guess I can¡¯t be too upset about that. Well, when was number 2?¡±
¡°Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and needed that very risky operation that no surgeon was willing to perform? And, remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to perform the surgery himself?¡±
¡°Betty, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. To do such a thing, you must truly love me darling. How can I be upset with that?¡±
¡°So, all right then, when was number 3?¡±
¡°Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?¡±
Aunt Karens Moral « Result #2 on Mar 25, 2009, 1:19am »
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.
Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the f#ck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking"
My Lucky Day « Result #3 on Mar 25, 2009, 12:10am »
tell me what you saw that was so bad tell me all the reasons why you made me so sad i wish that i was like you and i'm sorry that i'm not at least i still have hope i guess that's all i've got [chorus]: i know you must be happy thrilled that i'm not there yet i know that i will make it make it good for me out here and soon i will be smiling everything will be okay i'll not worry anymore that will be my lucky day i wish that you'd seen something special 'bout me too that you would think of something else not just the way i look to you i don't see what you see how different can i be and why does it really matter i'm just being me [chorus]: i know you must be happy thrilled that i'm not there yet i know that i will make it make it good for me out here and soon i will be smiling everything will be okay i'll not worry anymore that will be my lucky day i don't see what you see how different can i be and why does it really matter i'm just being me
Angels Watching Over Me « Result #4 on Mar 25, 2009, 12:10am »
All night,all day, Angels watching over me,my Lord. All night,all day, Angels watching over me. Sun is a-setting in the west, Angels watching over me,my Lord. Sleep my child,take your rest, Angels watching over me. All night,all day, Angels watching over me,my Lord. All night,all day, Angels watching over me. All night,all day, Angels watching over me,my Lord. All night,all day, Angels watching over me. Sun is a-setting in the west, Angels watching over me,my Lord. Sleep my child,take your rest, Angels watching over me. All night,all day, Angels watching over me,my Lord. All night,all day, Angels watching over me.
Christmas Love! « Result #5 on Mar 25, 2009, 12:09am »
Is Christmas dying? Holly that hang from the door is disappearing, Lights don¡¯t shine so bright. Christmas goodwill and spirit is hard to be found, Feeling I¡¯ve found my scrooge. Is it now that I¡¯ve grown I see a different picture, Not so tinted in green and gifts. Santa filling my stocking, Everything such a dream through a child eyes. Nativity plays being played at school, The birth of Christ instilled into our lives. Life is changing with so many different cultures and beliefs. Will the true meaning be lost? When we have people digging a hole with their wallets. Christmas is not about the biggest present, Or how much money you¡¯ve spent. Christmas for me is about love, Giving it through goodwill, with a smile or just being there. People may lose faith in religion, Never lose faith in Christmas, Christmas is love!
Italian Virgin « Result #6 on Mar 13, 2009, 1:11am »
Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin and very inexperienced around men. So, on her wedding night, while staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry Maria,' says the mother. 'Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.'
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.' 'Don't worry, Maria,' says his mother. 'All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs.' 'Don't worry Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
'So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing the better part of three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
Religious Tits « Result #7 on Mar 13, 2009, 1:10am »
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man 'There is more than one type?'
'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied 'The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'
Still confused the man asked 'What is the difference between them?'
The lady responded 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
These Things I Wish for You « Result #8 on Feb 25, 2009, 2:47am »
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I¡¯d know better.
I¡¯d really like for them to know about hand-me-down clothes and home-made ice cream and leftover meatloaf. I really would.
My cherished grandson,wow power leveling I hope you learn humility by surviving failure and that you learn to be honest even when no one is looking.
I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car -- and I hope nobody gives you a brand-new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see a baby calf born, and you have a good friend to be with you if you ever have to put your old dog to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother.wow power leveling And it is all right to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he¡¯s scared, I hope you¡¯ll let him.
And when you want to see a Disney movie and your kid brother wants to tag along, I hope you take him.
I hope you have to walk uphill with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
If you want a slingshot,wow power leveling I hope your father teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books, and when you learn to use computers, you also learn how to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get razzed by friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and that when you talk back to your mother you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain,wow gold burn your hand on the stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I hope you get sick when someone blows smoke in your face. I don¡¯t care if you try beer once, but I hope you won¡¯t like it.wow gold And if a friend offers you a joint or any drugs, I hope you are smart enough to realize that person is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your grandpa or go fishing with your uncle.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor¡¯s window,wow gold and that she hugs you and kisses you when you give her a plaster of paris mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you -- tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness.
Items or Accounts? WOW Gold « Result #9 on Mar 20, 2008, 12:27am »
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Mrs. Liu was a peasant. The driver of the BMW, Su Xiuwen, is the wife of a businessman. The initial scrape was minor, but after a confrontation, Mrs. Su drove the car into Mrs. Liu.
And that would have ended it, except for two things. First, the "BMW case" tapped into sharp class resentments emerging in this Communist country, which long espoused a classless society. And second, that anger was able to coalesce in what is becoming an increasingly influential court of appeals in China: the Internet, which boiled with online outrage.
This week, in a rare step, officials here announced an investigation into possible judicial corruption in the case, state media reported. There is already speculation that Mrs. Su could face a harsher verdict, a result that would appease the online critics but could also set an uneasy precedent for reformers trying to establish a genuine rule of law in China.
That yawning gap is a fundamental contradiction of China's economic boom. Wealth is pouring in, swelling the middle class, yet hundreds of millions still live in poverty.
Here in the northeast, once the country's industrial center but now mired in unemployment, it is not hard to find class bitterness rubbed raw by the case. "We ordinary people have to obey the laws," said a taxi driver. Mrs. Su, he said, does not: "She has the power. She has the privilege. She can drive wildly."
Initially, the accident barely attracted attention outside Harbin.
Then, after bystanders intervened, she returned to the car, apparently to back up. But she unexpectedly drove forward, crushing Mrs. Liu and injuring several others. The car crashed to a halt against a tree.
"My wife was dragged for six or seven meters," Mr. Dai said. He said he tried to lift her right arm but it was broken. He saw blood coming out of her mouth. "People said she was already dead," he recalled. "I was just dumbfounded."
The question at trial was whether Mrs. Su had intentionally tried to harm Mrs. Liu or had simply mistakenly put the car into first gear instead of reverse. The trial was notable for its lack of eyewitnesses, though many saw the incident.
One of them was Mr. Dai, who said he had received almost $10,000, roughly eight years' wages. He said he did not even attend the trial. "I just want peace for my family," a weary Mr. Dai said as one of his two daughters listened. "I don't care about the verdict and whether it is justice or not."
But China's "netcitizens" cared very much. Editors at Sina.com, the country's most popular Web site, said that after the verdict, more than 200,000 messages were posted to chat rooms, many suggesting corruption was to blame.